Stellan

i don't know how many of you have been following Stellan's story. his little life has been a roller coaster and yet huge testimony of God's faithfulness. tomorrow the little man is going on a plane ride from mn to boston to have surgery on his heart. maja's heart has embraced him for months and months.. will you join her in praying for him in the upcoming days & for his mommy and daddy and brothers and sister??

I love this verse.. it's Phil 4:13 in the message:

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the

One who makes me who I am.

the funniest thing ever.

sometimes in ones life they just need a father's loving hand to guide them along.
my dad was numero uno @ practical jokers.. & i know quite a few pros
((paint a picture in your mind of a goat locked in one's vehicle.. ruthless i say..))
but being since i have begged him for advice and he refuses to answer..

i NEED your help.
seriously people.
i have been nailed this winter.
with forks.. car paint.. toilet paper... a Solar santa.. ((don't ask))
and really..
im lame.
i can't come up with anything..
i mean that's REALLY good.
like pee your pants good...

ADVICE???
i mean not that i believe in revenge or anything.. but i need some type of strategy here...
humm.

Lugazi

That night will be etched into my mind permanently.
It was in a little town called Lugazi.
We were physically, emotionally, and Spiritually exhausted.
We were saddened by the friendships and security we said good-bye to.. to go onto another step of our journey.
It was late.
It was dark.
I was stretched beyond my comfort when a man outside our hotel was pretending to be mad.
Did I mention it was really dark?
As we went up the stairs flight after flight.. above the little bar called a hotel.. my heart flooded with fear.
Only to be followed by a flood of tears when we saw our room and the bars covering the windows.
I missed my children.
Would we ever see them again?
It was an adventure when we were hidden in a team.. but we were alone.. in Africa.
Outside the the sounds of footsteps outside our door.. occasionally grabbing the handle.. and shaking it.. ((like heth's axe murderer))
I wanted Kampala.
I wanted the airport.
I wanted America.
I wanted anything except right there right then.
I was ready to bail.
Did I tell you it was really really dark?
We had to trust.
We had to believe.
We HAD to.
We had to cling to the hope that morning was coming.
And so we stared into the tattered net above our head.. and cried out.. and faithfully morning came.

Right now the vision isn't real clear in our life.
It's a season of weird change.
I'd be a loser if I didn't say sometimes I feel like it's Lugazi.
There are times when I am encompassed in fear and drained in exhaustion.
When nothing really makes sense.
When the standard of the world around us mocks us and I just don't understand.
When I want to bail on His plan.
And write my own story.
Which would include a feather bed and jacuzzi.
Cause sometimes I just forget. It was an honor to be right there right then.
To see and meet and be part of His'.
It wasn't warm and fuzzy. I didn't understand.
But He did.
And He didn't abandon us there.
And He won't here.
I get really excited when I know it HAS to be HIM.
When there is none of us.
And that either makes complete sense or I like the madman outside the hotel.
As the security is stripped away.. and the comfort dissipating..
and every step to freedom in Him seems completely jacking with my heart.
He reminds me to walk in joy that morning is coming.
To trust.
And Believe.

Gus

Truth is.. it takes a special dog to have a family like us. No one could ever leave digested underwear in the yard as beautifully as you and never have i seen a dog so graceful on the trampoline. I know it's been a love-hate relationship.. kinda like Chumley..but it's really hard to say good-bye.
You have so much potential.. and somehow get lost in the chaos of us. We are pretty stinkin nutso even without you..
And yet you have helped us though the toughest year of our life. You have helped us mourn.. sometimes made us cry..
and stinking made us laugh all the time.
I know.. I know.. I'm getting sappy.
In many ways you became a part of this dysfunctional.. ever changing.. never grounded family.
Yet tomorrow night you'll sleep in normal life.
I know that God placed you in our life for these days.
And even in the life of a dog.. He knows your next.
So be good.
Show them Tina is wrong.. you CAN sit..
*when you want*
and enjoy it buddy.
know that we love you.
Love mom.

i was *almost* absolutely sure that when my feet hit Bulgarian soil that i would be filled with the ability to communicate well ..complete with a beautiful accent. i don't think it was as great of a disappointment as the night our bus left a gypsy village.. my cheek pressed against the snot decorated glass.. sobbing in my unworthiness and my lack of ability to heal a child.

under the powerful sun as i held tightly the most beautiful baby.. traveling down the red dirt roads of Uganda somewhere in the lush green i believed i would discover a clear vision balanced with passion and ta-da:::: *direction*

it's been a long night.. and i have pretty much drowning in my own shadow of fear, pain, selfishness, & hurt. it's not working. i want out.

i am humbled in Him.