Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A Wasted 2 Bucks

One of the last times I shared with my brother Craig was at Valleyfair. I payed a boy at a booth to guess my age, I thought it was so awesome that despite having five children he guessed me younger than I was. Somehow he built my confidence and then gave me a stupid blow up bat. Craig laughed at me, he knew it was a waste of time. Three years later, the bat sits my closet and I have aged.
The past few years have kicked by butt in so many ways, showing wear emotionally and physically aging. My heart breaks still anticipating Craig's broad shoulders walking in with a big grin. Today I'm not really ok. It really sucks.
But that is what happens when you love someone, and it's worth it. Not everyone in life receives that love, I've seen it rejected too many times. There is a whole lotta crappy things formed out of fear, including mine.
It's funny how times doesn't make things better, just different. You'd think I would have figured it out by now, but honestly I keep focusing on the end party- it's all I have.
I am thankful for big brothers who have always had your back. For the Lord whipping my snot covered floor while I'm on my knees. I am thankful my confidence and value isn't in found in a booth at Valleyfair, but in His arms. For without it, I'm jacked.

Craig, you're deeply missed. I love you big bro.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A New Vehicle..

We finally said goodbye to the old van. The "new"/different one- it's nice. The only detail though that's really important is that there is room for one more seat. Shouldn't it be filled??

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"A New Highway..."

A year ago I posted that we were going on a "New Highway". It hasn't been a new highway, it's been a lot of new highways, some filled with potholes, some on the left side of the road, and others with steep winding hills. We started our trip with a map of our highway and not too far in, it blew out the window. Sketched on it were my ideals, my visions, my dreams, all left on the dancing down the highway trampled my passing cars. Leaving our family guided by only the compass in our vehicle.
Before you knew it, we went places that we never planned. On roads that were barreled off. Some were completely submersed in fear. There were other with huge road blocks, still the compass told us to continue through. And others that weren't finished and I was tempted to just see where it lead, only to have to turn around and again listen to the compass.
There have been breakdowns and times where we almost gave up and pushed it all over the cliff.
Still, at times the beauty was so overwhelming, as if no one had ever traveled the road before and it was paved just for us. Even so, we were tempted multiple times to stop and ask for directions, or just pick up a laminated new and shinny map. But, we weren't sure anymore of our destination. If we only had a starting point and an end point, we could use technology, all around us are means to figure it out in the world. But, it won't take us there when we are unsure of where we are going. As much as we didn't know where there was going to be yesterday, we don't know the there for tomorrow as well.
We used to look for an end in sight as we drove along, and we would love to let you in on our inclusive destination. See, we have places we would love to re-travel, areas left unseen, but we are not sure if they are part of this trip. Truth is, we have no idea the territory left to cover before us. So we will just keep on driving along, just following the compass..