Monday, April 13, 2009

Lugazi

That night will be etched into my mind permanently.
It was in a little town called Lugazi.
We were physically, emotionally, and Spiritually exhausted.
We were saddened by the friendships and security we said good-bye to.. to go onto another step of our journey.
It was late.
It was dark.
I was stretched beyond my comfort when a man outside our hotel was pretending to be mad.
Did I mention it was really dark?
As we went up the stairs flight after flight.. above the little bar called a hotel.. my heart flooded with fear.
Only to be followed by a flood of tears when we saw our room and the bars covering the windows.
I missed my children.
Would we ever see them again?
It was an adventure when we were hidden in a team.. but we were alone.. in Africa.
Outside the the sounds of footsteps outside our door.. occasionally grabbing the handle.. and shaking it.. ((like heth's axe murderer))
I wanted Kampala.
I wanted the airport.
I wanted America.
I wanted anything except right there right then.
I was ready to bail.
Did I tell you it was really really dark?
We had to trust.
We had to believe.
We HAD to.
We had to cling to the hope that morning was coming.
And so we stared into the tattered net above our head.. and cried out.. and faithfully morning came.

Right now the vision isn't real clear in our life.
It's a season of weird change.
I'd be a loser if I didn't say sometimes I feel like it's Lugazi.
There are times when I am encompassed in fear and drained in exhaustion.
When nothing really makes sense.
When the standard of the world around us mocks us and I just don't understand.
When I want to bail on His plan.
And write my own story.
Which would include a feather bed and jacuzzi.
Cause sometimes I just forget. It was an honor to be right there right then.
To see and meet and be part of His'.
It wasn't warm and fuzzy. I didn't understand.
But He did.
And He didn't abandon us there.
And He won't here.
I get really excited when I know it HAS to be HIM.
When there is none of us.
And that either makes complete sense or I like the madman outside the hotel.
As the security is stripped away.. and the comfort dissipating..
and every step to freedom in Him seems completely jacking with my heart.
He reminds me to walk in joy that morning is coming.
To trust.
And Believe.

3 comments:

Heth said...

My plan includes a feather bed and a jacuzzi too.

Love you hun. And I love your heart.

Michelle Gibilisco said...

Mike and I were talking about you and your clan on our way home. We think you're all amazing! You have to be strong and faithful (ok and a little crazy) to buck the system. I don't have the faith, I could never take the steps you've taken...but you guys amaze me and I'm also jealous. You'll always have tough things to face and hard decisions to make and some really tough critics. It's part of life and goes along with the decisions we make. But you have our thoughts and prayers and support, so hang in there, it seems as if your path is starting to appear. We love you!

Angela said...

Beautiful. He won't abandon you. He won't abandon any of us. Keep trusting...seeking...knocking. You'll hear the next step just in time to take it.

Love you, sister.