O Christmas Tree

It all started with my dad. One year he decided that the artifical tree needed a triming. Bad move Dad. It was a Charlie Brown tree before, I'm at a loss for words to accurately describe it after the chainsaw. Tighly woven bright tacky garland sufficated any hope the little wooden pole had left and yet it was still a Merry Christmas.

Did I ever tell you about the time my dad lit his coat on fire during candle light service? I loved that guy, entirely different story...

It must have all started there. My longing for the perfect tree.

The year my dad was sick and he knew that it was probably his last Christmas with us, he gave my sister and I the go ahead to get a REAL Christmas tree. It was beautiful yet overshadowed by a really tough Christmas.

Our first Christmas as newlyweds, we headed out to find the PERFECT tree. From tree farm to tree farm. Bouncing down gravel roads in our first truck, expecting our first baby, and looking for our first perfect tree. We did eventually settle..

Then there was the Christmas that we just didn't have time for the tree farm and the Wagoneer trip out. I was pregnant with number four. Josh picked up a tree from some very innocent nice men in the nice little fence. Little did they know he'd bring it back the next morning. I'm not sure of their return policy, but Josh must have been convincing with his story of his pregnant wife laying facedown sobbing over broken ornaments and lost memories, I wasn't allowing him back until he brought that thing back where it came from. They gave him a nice new tree with a straight stem. Poor Josh.

After that, for a few years, we roadtriped gravel roads and cut down little ditch trees. They were all individuals.

Random, but here's a shot of the crew this morning. Christmas card shots are SO hard with multiple kids. Can you tell that Ailah's pulling Maja's hair.. Another post..

Back to trees, two years ago, we caved and decided to buy our very first artifical tree. It didn't leave water stains on our floor. It was nice. But then, the house flooded and along with it half of the tree. Don't ask how half.

But half didn't get us very far. So last year, it was back to a ditch tree. A bush tree that was wired to the ceiling with fishing string. Josh wasn't taking any chances. ((and we were all in winter coats & it was snowing.. today was a t-shirt...))

Which brings us to Arkansas. And frankly, I wasn't sure about driving on unknown roads and digging around in the brush here. So we did the unthinkable. We went to Walmart.

And there we have it. Our Wal-Mart tree in a Wal-Mart stand. Filled with half broken ornaments and crazy memories, it's about perfect. :)

wordless wednesday.

Ramblings about Moolah.

I've never actually taken Financial Peace University. I think there is probably a lot of truth in it. Truth's that enable believers to walk in freedom from the bondage of debt. I have almost been beaten for questioning it.. for asking tough questions about it... because those that the process has worked for wholeheartedly believe in the program- yet makes me question the whole "peace" thing.. :)

So here is my deal.
We live in a town where resources are a little less limited for many families.
It has made me question finances and God's role in ours. We have tried to remain debt free, but reality is: we just moved & Josh went under the knife.. :)

Money is a strange concept to me. To one, it means a nice lunch and the other life. And where is that burden vs guilt? Do faithfullness and logic go hand in hand in finances?
Sometimes I just think I have things figured out. Then I realize I NEVER will. That without the Spirit's thought process.. that Im still in high school huffing something.

I think Im wrapping this up. My point: I need to rip off the hat that I wear that ties me to this world's logic. Is 1+1=2..?? Perhaps the argument for creationism is really revealed in arithmetic. It doesn't matter how hard that I try to pile my store house.. that MY efforts will not change this world.

Who am I working for..?
Yesterday at a beverage bar- the kids mixed soda with coffee flavorings. It tasted like a really bad mixed drink.. it was :) Nasty.
How often do I wear faith mixed with this world's logic & create something that you just want to gag on?

We can live as much in the bondage of logic as debt.

John 6:27 Don't work for the food that perishes but for the food that lasts for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal of approval on Him.

His dreams align with His resources.
Did Mary have the resources to mother a child? She was vulnerable and yet completely equipped. (And completely nuts to the world around her.)

The Ride: youve never thought that i was normal.

I have started and started and started a zillion new posts. But then I retreat in fear of my brutal honesty and lack of cute wittiness. Warm sweet fuzzy posts vs our life is a ROLLER COASTER!!? hum..

But it is.. isn't it? One day God is present and you see Him and feel Him even in the midst of pain, you can find that sweetness.. And then the next you leave the library with an overload of emotions, hormones, fears, and vow to those big shining eyes- we will NEVER return here again. These children are so doomed.
No really.. they are.

I will NOT tell you.. that as I type the eldest son is riding a water board thingy.. on my bed with sunglasses and a winter coat. There is no hope..

Ok.. bad to brutal honesty. (kicking the trick performer outside)
I don't think that I've ever felt this desperate, vulnerable, lonely, and yet expectant..
I've kicked, I've fought, I've wrestled.. and maybe just maybe someday I'll get the whole Freedom thing..

But as for right now, this moment: It's still a ride.

We are approaching the top.. anticipating.. almost over the edge... butterflies in the stomach.. lunch surfacing.. hands starting to sweat... foot pressing against the seat, it's coming ....

wait...

last bump...

Ok NOW!
THROW UP YOUR ARMS

Surrender.
and enjoy the ride.

( & here is where your eyeballs are bulging out, your heart is pounding.. somewhere between eating bugs and your head jolting back and forth.. it's kinda fun and you know we are going to make it.. )