I have started and started and started a zillion new posts. But then I retreat in fear of my brutal honesty and lack of cute wittiness. Warm sweet fuzzy posts vs our life is a ROLLER COASTER!!? hum..
But it is.. isn't it? One day God is present and you see Him and feel Him even in the midst of pain, you can find that sweetness.. And then the next you leave the library with an overload of emotions, hormones, fears, and vow to those big shining eyes- we will NEVER return here again. These children are so doomed.
No really.. they are.
I will NOT tell you.. that as I type the eldest son is riding a water board thingy.. on my bed with sunglasses and a winter coat. There is no hope..
Ok.. bad to brutal honesty. (kicking the trick performer outside)
I don't think that I've ever felt this desperate, vulnerable, lonely, and yet expectant..
I've kicked, I've fought, I've wrestled.. and maybe just maybe someday I'll get the whole Freedom thing..
But as for right now, this moment: It's still a ride.
We are approaching the top.. anticipating.. almost over the edge... butterflies in the stomach.. lunch surfacing.. hands starting to sweat... foot pressing against the seat, it's coming ....
THROW UP YOUR ARMS
and enjoy the ride.
( & here is where your eyeballs are bulging out, your heart is pounding.. somewhere between eating bugs and your head jolting back and forth.. it's kinda fun and you know we are going to make it.. )