Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Ride: youve never thought that i was normal.

I have started and started and started a zillion new posts. But then I retreat in fear of my brutal honesty and lack of cute wittiness. Warm sweet fuzzy posts vs our life is a ROLLER COASTER!!? hum..

But it is.. isn't it? One day God is present and you see Him and feel Him even in the midst of pain, you can find that sweetness.. And then the next you leave the library with an overload of emotions, hormones, fears, and vow to those big shining eyes- we will NEVER return here again. These children are so doomed.
No really.. they are.

I will NOT tell you.. that as I type the eldest son is riding a water board thingy.. on my bed with sunglasses and a winter coat. There is no hope..

Ok.. bad to brutal honesty. (kicking the trick performer outside)
I don't think that I've ever felt this desperate, vulnerable, lonely, and yet expectant..
I've kicked, I've fought, I've wrestled.. and maybe just maybe someday I'll get the whole Freedom thing..

But as for right now, this moment: It's still a ride.

We are approaching the top.. anticipating.. almost over the edge... butterflies in the stomach.. lunch surfacing.. hands starting to sweat... foot pressing against the seat, it's coming ....

wait...

last bump...

Ok NOW!
THROW UP YOUR ARMS

Surrender.
and enjoy the ride.

( & here is where your eyeballs are bulging out, your heart is pounding.. somewhere between eating bugs and your head jolting back and forth.. it's kinda fun and you know we are going to make it.. )

7 comments:

Shan said...

Melanie, I miss you and can't wait to come visit you some time soon. love ya always

JD said...

Did I ever tell you that I really appreciate your honesty and writing? I love you.

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

I adore your honesty and writing. It is a crazy ride...

ShelliGib said...

Life is such a crazy ride! Oye!!! Do you know sometimes I just wish we lived in the country and could all be together each day...wouldn't that be sooo much easier? I'm strange too - as you know! haha!

ann said...

I love how you write, Mel. It's like I can actually hear your voice. Except I don't know what your voice sounds like. Because I met you that one time at the pumpkin patch but was too shy to converse so we said hi to each other but that's about all. Now if I saw you I'd run up and give you a big hug.

(((HUG)))

Heth said...

It sure is a wild ride isn't it? I so appreciate your honesty. Miss you.

Angela said...

Love you, beautiful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...you are so precious.