i was *almost* absolutely sure that when my feet hit Bulgarian soil that i would be filled with the ability to communicate well ..complete with a beautiful accent. i don't think it was as great of a disappointment as the night our bus left a gypsy village.. my cheek pressed against the snot decorated glass.. sobbing in my unworthiness and my lack of ability to heal a child.
under the powerful sun as i held tightly the most beautiful baby.. traveling down the red dirt roads of Uganda somewhere in the lush green i believed i would discover a clear vision balanced with passion and ta-da:::: *direction*
it's been a long night.. and i have pretty much drowning in my own shadow of fear, pain, selfishness, & hurt. it's not working. i want out.
i am humbled in Him.