Thursday, March 19, 2009

dangerous.



i like beth moore studies. she's quirky and out there transparent and is kinda nerdy in some ways.. and i really appreciate that. so our church has been doing her study on the book of esther and it's been good.. real good. and i am humbled to say that God gave me a word to share in Uganda from what He showed me through it. it was with an amazing group of children, by light from a lamp, with the most amazing hearts of worship i have heard. i can hear them, feel them.. see them ..i could be there right now.

back to beth.
the other night an amazing woman in our group shared that she feels as though she is on a ship. a sinking ship. that she has been reaching out for lifeboats. God is telling her to wait.. to trust.

dude. it hit me right on the head.

this has been a season in my life where if i were to be totally honest: im jacked.
i mean more jacked then trying to play guitar hero while giving a spelling test.

i pretty much don't get anything. and thus thats why i haven't been writing.. or reading.. and basically a complete loco idiot.

i have been longing to go down with Him, in this sinking ship to trust Him and to know He's all. but yet frantically searching every which way for a lifeboat. heck.. i've tried to jump on a few pieces of roten driftwood.

another of my all time favs is my utmost for his highest by oswald chambers.. i like to pretend he's my grandpa..

this is from his writings the other day..
its from mark 10:32
At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure.... He is ahead of me and He never turns around; I have no idea where He is going, and his goal has become strangely far off..... When the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come that following of Jesus which is an unspeakable joy.

and then a day or two later...
Paul is like a musician who does not need the approval of the audience if he can catch the look of approval from his Master.

so wheremi going here??
i told you.. nutso.

do i want to spend the rest of my life on a life boat.. with my jacket.. all snuggled in, talking about the ship experience.. encouraging others to head to the ship.. and me ((and my fam)) be SAFE

or will i stay and dance.. tap dance on a sinking ship.. trusting, waiting.. not always understanding.. where i might face *fill in the blank here* and with only one audience that approves??

honestly... im not sure yet.

but i will tell you the life boat is too little to dance on.

8 comments:

Heth said...

I'm telling you what...I totally hear ya.

Good good stuff Mel. That study has been messing with me.

And just so you know, the best spelling bees happen while Guitar Heroing.

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

I love how you write, because it so completely reveals your heart...which is beautiful by the way...no matter what you say :)

Michelle said...

honey- i wish i could write like you.... my boat has been sinking, today especially, 3/19, 6 months later.... and im not sure of the rescue... thanks for a nugget of god's wisdom.... and your prayers... love ya.

Nicole said...

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus, I need You Jesus

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You


This world has nothing for me (I will follow You)


this is all that came to mind when I read your post (oh, and the tears to my eyes...)

but since I am still sitting in my boat with 2 life vests and arm floaties on I thought my words would be useless.


love you woman!

jenni said...

Love your transparency... love you!

mrdangerous said...

You are what I think of when I think dangerous. No really. But in a really cool kind of way. You rock.

melanie said...

mr. dangerous,
you are a retard.

Chris @ Come to the Table said...

Melanie,
I too have been such a bad blogger/reader lately. Just don't seem to have the time or anything to say.

When I shared that night I couldn't believe it was coming out of my mouth because it was truly something that I had seen in a very quiet place with me and the Lord. In fact, I left that night quickly and feeling like a total idiot and wishing I had not even opened my mouth.

Trying to understand and get these reversal of destiny scriptures and truths in my heart is where God has me. And to "trust". I am trying really really hard to "trust". It is so tempting to run to man (lifeboats) and so lonely to feel you are the only on a ship, but that is where God has me. Trusting in the Ancient of Days who knows. I have spent many nights and mornings screaming out to please please rescue me, but I don't want to end up shipwrecked, so I wait. I have held onto to the verse 1 Tim. 1:18-19. I would encourage you to hold on to.