Thursday, March 19, 2009
i like beth moore studies. she's quirky and out there transparent and is kinda nerdy in some ways.. and i really appreciate that. so our church has been doing her study on the book of esther and it's been good.. real good. and i am humbled to say that God gave me a word to share in Uganda from what He showed me through it. it was with an amazing group of children, by light from a lamp, with the most amazing hearts of worship i have heard. i can hear them, feel them.. see them ..i could be there right now.
back to beth.
the other night an amazing woman in our group shared that she feels as though she is on a ship. a sinking ship. that she has been reaching out for lifeboats. God is telling her to wait.. to trust.
dude. it hit me right on the head.
this has been a season in my life where if i were to be totally honest: im jacked.
i mean more jacked then trying to play guitar hero while giving a spelling test.
i pretty much don't get anything. and thus thats why i haven't been writing.. or reading.. and basically a complete loco idiot.
i have been longing to go down with Him, in this sinking ship to trust Him and to know He's all. but yet frantically searching every which way for a lifeboat. heck.. i've tried to jump on a few pieces of roten driftwood.
another of my all time favs is my utmost for his highest by oswald chambers.. i like to pretend he's my grandpa..
this is from his writings the other day..
its from mark 10:32
At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure.... He is ahead of me and He never turns around; I have no idea where He is going, and his goal has become strangely far off..... When the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come that following of Jesus which is an unspeakable joy.
and then a day or two later...
Paul is like a musician who does not need the approval of the audience if he can catch the look of approval from his Master.
so wheremi going here??
i told you.. nutso.
do i want to spend the rest of my life on a life boat.. with my jacket.. all snuggled in, talking about the ship experience.. encouraging others to head to the ship.. and me ((and my fam)) be SAFE
or will i stay and dance.. tap dance on a sinking ship.. trusting, waiting.. not always understanding.. where i might face *fill in the blank here* and with only one audience that approves??
honestly... im not sure yet.
but i will tell you the life boat is too little to dance on.