insane amount of rambling..

one of the last times that i saw my big brother was when he was standing waiting for me and tara and the kids to get off the tilt-a-world... my mom's fav..
just standing there leaning against the fence...
a big soda in his hand wearing a huge Craig grin..
his jeans drippin wet sporting that pee-d in look wonderfully...

i have had such an amazing week
emotional
nutso
somewhere in the midst of it
i threw my arms in the air
and started hanging on for the ride
cause each and everytime i try to grab ahold
He brings it around
and reminds me

it could be tomorrow

i can't tell you how stinkin blessed i am
we talk about finding a church
one that fits like a glove
some how
some way
God gave me a family
really i don't fit it
but
He wove me into it
i don't know who and what i am apart from it and Him
i may very well be the ugly string in the midst of them
yet somehow comes together perfectly

i have fought really hard to control this ride
but it aint gona happen
i could continue with my expectations
with my agenda
with my mapped out plan, or lack thereof :)

and He's just standing there
waiting
watching in joy
His kiddos
on this ride
cause He's going to redeem it all

i trust that.

there is a difference between the first church in acts and me
they really really believed
they banked on Him
without a building
without the next step

and they celebrated every meal- together
good bad ugly
im ready to party.

so really there is no point to this post
and all the point

i am nothing without Him
i am everything with Him

i got nothing without Him
security in my country
my job
my life

and everything with Hum
even without anything

so how's that for ramblings???