It seems that I don't realize how little I remember from 4th grade until each time we start a new subject in school. If I could start to retain everything, I have might have some serious potential in a game show in another decade or so.
An Example: I have lived in the United States my entire life. But as the kids labeled their state maps today, especially in all the Eastern little states, I was taken back at how ignorant I am. But it gets worse… Did you know that the capital of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg? Ok, so you probably knew that. And if not, you're shrugging it off as useless information. Yet indeed is not, because you might be on a game show someday.
I was amazed at the actual perspective that my mind had mapped of our country. I am a visual person. I remember photos and maps and written words and numbers. I wasn't that far off: I knew that New York in this corner and the Rockies right in there. Yet my generic map was blurred in so many spots. I had forgotten how it was all woven together, lost the details somehow.
My world seems so big and each day lately a trial that can consume me. Yet I am not even a dot on this map.
As I gazed in the mirror, in between lessons and diapers, I actually took a moment to look. To really wonder, what have I forgotten? What things in my life and heart have become a blur? Who did God create this girl to be?
I don't know if you have tasted the pain of this world so deep within you that in wants to force itself out. You want to throw yourself to the ground in heartache. You don't know where to go, from HERE. But I assuming that in this really tough world, you have.
It amazes me that Jesus came, not as the author of a salvation prayer. But to redeem me from this MESS that I am. To mapquest me the very next step on my map, bringing clarity to my blurred and warped perspective. And to remove me from HERE- have I mentioned that THERE is worth the promise in waiting?
What is my perspective on who Jesus is? Perhaps it means going back to that place where I am vulnerable again- please NOT 4th grade!!- But to my first love. Real love.