Craig’s List Update

The past month has pretty much been insane. Can't really capture to you in words my inner heart and where I am. Trying to sort through me, Him, us as a couple, us as a family, the kid's emotions, and the sadness in the fact that it's going to be awhile until Craig slugs my arm again.

But I doooo have for you in the words of Nacho, an update.

Here it is:


My Craig's List

1. Learn to play the guitar well. (You knew that one already..)

Shh- don't tell that I haven't been practicing as much as I should. But I have my fourth lesson tomorrow and I can ALMOST play the song Blessed be Your Name…well, if I leave out all the Fs. Does that count?

2. Run a marathon.

I can not believe that I just wrote that.

Ok- so here is the deal. Craig was obsessed with fitness. He drank all these weird concoctions, like whey protein and nasty stuff that smells really funny. And he loved to work out. He believed that you should be doing something all the time. Ok, so he was a little compulsive. He started his own gym in his little town- which actually isn't even considered a town, about all it has is a bar that has cheese balls- but he had a shop with air and heat and it was chuck full of work out equipment and it was the town gym. Not quite up to The W standard, but in my opinion much more prestigious.

Getting to my point. When the organ donor network questioned us about his life styles and checked to see if he was a good candidate, they were amazed. Only one person a year comes in where they can donate to the extent that he did and it was very rare that they were in the health that he was. Realize- the whole donor thing doesn't make it better.. just good coming from bad. But it occurred to me that I am to really live like my body isn't my own.

Josh and I and Craig raced once. The dispute is still on as to who the winner was. (Somehow the boys changed the rules..)

I just hate running. So to commit to this KILLS me. Yet I know I've known it's #2. Cause if I can do this: I can do anything.

Then I was at his house the other night and found this:

Yah so I pretty much don't have a choice. Note: The orange circle. Yikes.

1. 
   
   
   
   

3. Go Here and ride dirt bikes.

Come on, you want to come with??

Craig told Josh and I that God make Moab, Utah just for him. What better place to be close to him and Him?

4. Adopt as son from Africa and name him after Craig.

Craig was a dooer. Don't talk about it- do it.. he was the only person I knew I could tell about our thoughts of living in an RV and would support us. He told me he would follow us around… we should have done it! When we told him about Africa a couple weeks before he died, he was pumped. Just think of the hunting there..

We talk about fruit in our lives as Christians.

Craig chose his daughter.

His ex wife had many decisions to make about her babie's future. He became her real daddy. They only got to spend 14 short years together, but I pray she always knows how he adored her and that she was always his.

That is love. In pain choosing a connection to a person that would last forever.

He grafted her into him. He made her his.

In some ways, he gave her life. He gave her a father. And in return, she truly gave him life. Fl!p.

She is amazing. And so much like him..

My prayer is to live that kind of love.

5. Tickle my kids everyday.

Profound. I know. Craig invented the 6^th love language: acts of violence. See, it's all his fault that I am the way that I am, really.

From chucking wrapping paper at me, to throwing me back and forth as a baby to my sister, to just chucking me on my bed or bending my fingers backwards. It was the best. I knew that I mattered so much to him.

Does anyone know what a snake bite is or how an eagle lands on an icy limb?

Strange, yes.

So aside from the times we are in Africa J and aren't with them, I want to carry on the monster tickle. It all begins with this sound that he made- it was something like-WHOAHAHAHAWAGOBA-
ok..
Anyway and then he would come after the kids and they would all go psycho.

Is that normal?

He loved them to pieces and it reminds me of the way that he loved his daughter and before that me as a little girl. I just want to bottle it up.

But I think it's really all about letting go and finding what matter and chucking all my other expectations away.

Ok so officially that's all I've got so far. I'm still working on the other two and choking everytime I think of #2…