Where is that line. It's something I've always struggled with. When to put yourself out there and when to sit aside and quietly watch. I do both too frequently.
My heart is breaking tonight. The #1 reason. I don't think I can go to an orphanage. I don't think I can do it. Will me being there make a difference? Why is there such a thing as an orphanage anyway? Honestly? It rips my heart out. Soon I will learn that it isn't a far away thought.
How many times I have heard of starving children in far away lands that I could send the remainder of my unfinished dinner to. I remember seeing the photos of the Holocaust in Jr. High, wondering how it could happen. My heart beating in pain for their faces and torment.
What about an 8 year old little girl selling herself for bread to feed her siblings. What did she do to deserve it? I turn my cheek at her pain, and as I do, she contracts HIV and dies within 3 years. The orphanages already too full for her and her sisters. The drugs too expensive for her parents and now her.
Things are tough sometimes. We have dealt with stinky deep water. I didn't have to drink it. So many times we turn our backs on justice, saying America needs us here. And they do. America needs Jesus.
I don't think it's a dream. I don't think it's a donation. I don't think it's a mission. It's simply justice. It's not about our leftovers.
So you say: what are you doing?? I don't know. But I do know that there are kids out there who simply want someone to tell them they are loved and that God has a purpose and a plan for them. Here and in Africa. My heart turns inside, because I feel as I do nothing. Some days I just want to pack and go. I want to go to the drug representatives as Moses did to Pharaoh and say: Let God's people go! Delivering them from politics and profits. But most days I just wait on Him.
Guess I am a dreamer. Hey, I have something to add to my bucket list. When I have it all worked out, I'll get back to you.
Thanks for listening. I'll let you know about the trips to the orphanages.