Light Understanding

I really like Psalm 73. This guy finds the words my heart longs for. I love the last verse, But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

I wonder if this guy was anything like myself. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God.

Some days I sit in the outer court and bang my head against the door, longing to get in. Looking at my social oddities, my compulsions, my failures as a daughter, my doubts. All that banging around. Longing to get into the inner sanctuary, failing to ask.

How unlogical He is. How I try to understand. Failing to just bask in His faithfulness and character and love. Crazy to think really that He shall be our portion forever. Not fema, not even religious institutions. He alone.

Somehow I have to tattoo this on my heart:
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.