When I was 17, I accepted Jesus into my life. It was at a Billy Graham Crusade. DC Talk was there. I thought they were stupid. Mainly because I really didn't want to be there. Everything was stupid. Yet somehow I felt overcome by something way bigger than my messed up mind could comprehend. And I bawled and bawled and.. well you get it. I was in an even bigger mess than when I entered, but in such a cool way.
When I came home I listened to the tracks they had gave me and that encouraged me to start reading my bible. I had one. The benefit of living in America, I probably had a few copies. Yet I had only looked at the maps and looked up in the index weird and stupid stuff. So, I read John. And read it again. And again. And made lots of weird paintings about it, but that is something I'll have to go into another day. And then I put it down. Soon it was buried under piles of clothes.
Wait.. I am getting really long winded and I haven't even got close to the point of this whole thing.
Shorter version: I have always had a hard time being in the word of God. Even though I know that Jesus is the Word and hanging out and hearing from the God of all creation is really incredible. I struggle with discipline vs legalism. But I love the reading plan that our pastor introduced to our church. It's called soap journaling. It's simple, do-able, unites our church, and yet is directly mine. It's like God speaking directly to you each day of the week, vs through your pastor just once a week. Which is pretty cool really. And well I have found that I am just a whole bigger mess without it.
Anyhum, I am finally getting to my point. Here is what God showed me today:
Matthew 4:19 "Come, Follow me, " Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."
At this moment these two men were doing what they commonly did everyday. No one looked twice at their actions. Being a fisherman was a noble trade. It was predictable and stable. They could provide for their family. They lived the Jewish dream to some degree. They had freedom in worshiping their God and spending time with their loved ones. Aside from health insurance and a 410K, not much different than today. But very suddenly their entire lives changed. What made them go? From predictability to the uncertain and unplanned. From the ordinary to the unknown. From logical to illogical. They went from independence to trust and dependence. From fishing for this world to fishing for the kingdom of God. What type of glances did they get from the town folks as they walked away, conversing with their new friend?
What does this mean to me, in my life? It didn't say the men followed, yet packed their nets in their backpacks to catch them if this crazy idea didn't pan out. They didn't know what obstacles they would face or how safe their travels would be. They didn't know what land they would be traveling to or the things that God would lay before them. How scary is that? But they didn't even take a breathe to question Jesus. What did they really know of His path? Were they prepared? They had to abandon themselves fully. It was the life they had chosen or His. And yet they seemed anxious to go. They couldn't box in their new relationship into just a certain part of their lives. Is He God of my life or not?
Teach me how to be an authentic fisher of men, throwing away all my nets. Allowing only You to take over.