Craig

One year later.

I've spent the past few weeks walking through so much that I have been too hard to see.

And God has been jacking with me.

But right now. This moment, I want to remember. Remember the gift and the joy and the laughter.

I want to remember him. The hell of a big brother that he was. The kinda of brother that every little girl should have. The kind that have your back and come to your rescue.

I want to remember the last ride he gave me, clinging tightly to his back. The freedom and the trust that I felt. The way that my kids loved him.. and the way that he loved them. The way he made fun of Josh.. making him his brother.

He was always on an adventure. His life was an adventure.

Today I am broken.
Yet clinging to the freedom and joy of a risen Savior.

an apology to my friend

It was if you were a secret hidden on windy road (..not that I had difficulties finding you..) aligned perfectly with a priceless lake side view to the North, hemmed in beautifully in by a gently flowing stream and playground on your West, and overshadowed by mature trees swaying on your East.

It is obvious that your creator carefully planned all the details of you, the joy that would come to all those who climbed the hill and entered your gates.

Not just any swimming pool.. set on a hill with the sunshine beating down.
At one time, you would have been the Caribbean of Arkansas.
But beauty is fleeting.
And every"thing" is replaced...
well... except you.

Today.. I just wanted to apologize.
Today we didn't see the glory of your youth. We didn't smell the freshly painted sign and crisp chlorine. The deck aligned with chairs in a row. The kids waiting.. anticipating your first opening.

When we arrived, you already seemed depressed.

Was it the lifeguards.. or the lack thereof?
Or the did the toddlers going off the diving boards bring you anxiety?
The free for all diving pit.. where kids and survivors are sorted??
Was the toilet mint smell nauseating you?
Or the dozens of leaves floating through your once sparkling water??
Did they push you over the edge when they insulted you with a playground slide, hooked up with water lines.... rather than investing in your future??
I guess I just can't pinpoint it.

But then, I feel like I deserted you when you needed me most.
Or.. is "it" something you're just used to??
How embarrassing for you.
Children, adults, everyone staring at "it".
Trying to decipher what "it" is.
And fleeing your water... how did they even notice a "sinker" in the midst of the floaters??

I didn't do it.. I swear... I mean my kids didn't.
Honestly.. two swimming suits are in our garbage cause our sinker happened before the adventure.

You sat there all lonely.
Dirty, contaminated.. deserted.
We couldn't bring ourselves to get back in.
Even when they drowned you in chemicals.. ( is that possible?)
Well. honestly.. Bel did get in... but your makeshift slide intrigued her.

And then we left.
and went across the road to the stream filled with other natural sinkers..
when not knowing is better.

Please forgive me.

And thank you.. for you have shown me Arkansas can't be that different from Africa.

the great move

i woke up one morning.. thinking i was still dreaming

cause something was definitely strange..

*buy gum!*

i was in arkansas.

it still has a really strange ring to it... i live in arkansas.

and apparently i have a strange ring as well... cause ive been gettin: "youre not from around here.. are ya??"

there's a lot of things that i miss.

like two little girls in matching swimsuits at the pool, hyvee.. oh how i love thee.., and wait.. digital dog pound -ive wanted to howl i miss you so, and then the heritage days parade- im missin my year supply of hot cocoa...

.....did i ever tell you that my dad brought home boxes and boxes and boxes of hot cocoa when i was little.. and driving past carnation (as it will always remain) on just the right days when the sugar is so heavy in the air makes me grin because the memories are so sweet...

but im rambling....

we are indeed not in the cornfields anymore..

i present to you.. without the whiskers on kittens..

my favoritest things thus far:

noah has big news.

ain't she just the cutest thing??

it's every girl's dream is to walk down the isle to the starwars theme song..

single sort recycling.

it has stolen my heart. nothing more needs said.

Woody

This little guy was hand picked by my loving husband. Isn't he just the best??

It's arkansas...

Worm guts chased by ice cream.

The best.

Making for richer dinner conversation than gas prices.

You have to come visit to see the little inmate run across the screen dragging his ball and chain..

Meet Sam and Rachel

Isabel's Stow away Salamanders.

Again.. Josh's preaching on chlorination has revealed truth. Not the rich life of Randal.

But she is sporting the "look" well..

But Arkansas didn't do this:

Revealing somethings don't change...

He's kicking my butt..

i am have been so challenged this week.

God is doing havoc with my heart. it seems that in every single emotion i face he pushes me to replace the "me" with "Him".. and this girl has a lot of emotion.

i have been blessed to meet one of the most amazing men. Andy and his wife and son are missionaries in north africa. in the desert. in the dark. in a muslim country. where the name of Jesus can not be said.

but it is.

and because it is.. one of his closest friends and labors in the field.. was pulled from his car and shot.. and killed...

a father of four..
a son..
a husband..
a friend..
a brother...

and in mourning there is dancing..

because a seed was planted and not held onto tightly.. it will not longer be dead.. but grow and be fruitful and multiply.

the blood of the martyr is the seed of the church..

i have never met someone that doesn't fear death as Andy.
and i wonder how can he go back? yet instead of a long life.. he longs for a full life.

i want a faith like that.

please pray for north africa. God is setting captives free.

i did not

for your knowledge..

1. i did not eat chocolate chip cookies today for breakfast, lunch, supper, and all snacks.. except for the pop ice i eat everyday in honor of abbie..

2. i did not want to beat up budget truck rental company and tell them that i will inform EVERYONE i know that their company stinks.. and we won't go into details of how i think their truck ate the zillion items i can't find..

3. i did not take my children into a members only snake infested creek area filled with crawdad things as big as lobsters while my son screamed jumping from the water with the mad crawdads and pinching oysters to the safety of the rocks with lurking snakes, chasing AWOL flippies and then allow five children to climb behind a gushing waterfall..

4. i did not lay flat on my face on my bedroom floor bawling because i miss my friends so much. i was going to use prostrate or prostate.. but.. hum...

5. i did not cry out to God and wonder what He is doing and wonder why i get me so tangled up in His story.

6. i did not mow the lawn at 8:30 AM .. and have a heat stroke.. i did not almost die until i laid down on the sprinkler.. good impressions with the neighbors..

7. i did not go to stuff mart. i did not move to the stuff mart capital of the WORLD. i am not suffocating under the control of the mart of stuffness.. i did not suffocate from my own stuff and realize that i am a consumeristic freak when i unpacked my stuff. and that was after the moving truck ate some...

8. i did not live in a pop up camper for 6 weeks and it rained EVERY single night. and here there is NO rain. None. Zippo. i did not watch my daughter plant her orange flowers which are to take 7 days to germinate grow to 12 inches overnight. green thumb..? sun sun sun + compulsive watering lack of social interaction= the best flowers in the world. in the stuff mart capital of the WORLD..

9. i did not tell you all about the most amazing people in Uganda did i..? there's emmanual from ghana and he just got married.. and he had that giddy i miss her look the whole time.. he had square shoes like bulgarians that were white.. and there was obia,whose name sounds like star wars.. but in so many ways is like a brother even though our names are really different.. and Im praying that God aligns him with a really amazing Godly wife and he had a pink tie.. and well.. tonight i had the opportunity to see some of the others that we met.. and it made me cry.

10. i did not witnesses my daughter execute the most grossest slugs in the whole world with the kitchen scissors.

11. i did not open the door to the washer at the laundry mat and watch the water gush out and for a few moments almost fill my basket and simply stand there in the heat with five little kids watching.. and consider jumping into it.

12. i did not just ramble a dozen nutos things.. did i??

This one's for Jenni..

it's not really fair that im posting cause ive been kinda out of blogging... and.. well it's like im living in my mom's backyard in a camper without technology and stuff.. or something..

but jenni's been on my case.. & so i present a brief update:

i packed ALL of josh's belts.. and even tho originally a man's.. the kids love to remind him that he sports a GIRL belt quite nicely

owls deep in conversation sound mighty similar to baboons.. hum.. & isn't april the month of midnight showers????

and.. my baby is three..
three.. ???





nutso.

happy mommies day to you all out there... esp to you all who have been such an awesome mommie in my babies' lives this year..

-mel

Stellan

i don't know how many of you have been following Stellan's story. his little life has been a roller coaster and yet huge testimony of God's faithfulness. tomorrow the little man is going on a plane ride from mn to boston to have surgery on his heart. maja's heart has embraced him for months and months.. will you join her in praying for him in the upcoming days & for his mommy and daddy and brothers and sister??

I love this verse.. it's Phil 4:13 in the message:

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the

One who makes me who I am.