practice..

i am trying SO hard to turn off the flash and spin the dial to manual. i still have so many skills to learn...

since it is LESS than *3* months to figure out this contraption AND learn Swahili..

i cornered a willing subject who posed as a Ugandan..

this is the subject: let's call her Mom

subject taken with old camera which was:

dropped in flood

played with by 100s of gyspy kids :)

flippy thingy on front stuck open

on ebay for 10 bucks

And here is out subject again: Mom without the attractive hat

using new camera:

far away from flood water

Flashy: yes

Flash: not so flashy :(

subject: found another willing Ugandan.

new camera:

too dark. :(

but NO flash!!

on "Av".... which isn't fully manual

but isn't fully automatic..

which leaves me somewhere in the middle.

Hum.. maybe swahili will go better...

happy thanksgiving! eat lots of pie. take lots of pictures.

call your brother names- hit em aroung a little bit- they like it.

Two guys came to our door today wearing name tags. I asked them if they liked wearing name tags. To my surprise their answer was yes. Which would really bug me, being told that I had to become Elder Melanie. They said it was better than safety equipment at their last job, but somehow that didn't sell me on it. They were both really nice guys and pretty real and passionate and we had a great chat. Well mostly just Josh and them, I picked up rotten pumpkins off the porch. And I thought about wearing a backpack and the bondage it would hold me in, everyday with a backpack and name tag, everyday. Would the world know the me behind my pin?

And I got thinking about Elder Melanie. Even though I don't have a "real" little name tag. How often do I show up and go through my motions. Selling myself to what I'm selling.

Anyone following me here?

Cause if I could somehow give that up- selling myself to what I am selling and selling others to what I'm selling and finally eliminate the coat, the pin, the bag full of junk that I carry.

What- Junk? Am I not as religious as these two young men, with a heart full of fear in actually responding to God, acknowledging that I just don't have a lead part in this whole production, or how about the desire to fill this void instead with things, food, and anything tangible.

What would I find under my coat? With nothing to win, nothing to gain, nothing to lose.

Just me. Messy, yes. But me.


Who every loses his life, will find it.

Growing up Josh's best of friends was his cousin Shelli. I can understand why- she is a fun loving, beautiful, amazing woman. Her and her great husband just had their first son this summer... and I haven't seen him yet!!! It is driving me nuts. Nuts..! Shelli can be found here. Check out pictures of little Angelo. Don't you just want to *squeeze* him?

Anyhum, Shelli nominated me for the Honest Scrap Award. Which has potential to be dangerous, cause I have been trying to hold back my honesty..

RULES OF THE HONEST SCRAP AWARD (honestly edited by Shelli- and with me in total agreement!)
When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.

Choose a blog that you find to be totally honest in content and visuals.
Show their name and link and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’. List [if you can and/or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.

TEN HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME...

1. Today I considered the idea of living in an rv outside my mom's house. Still working on the details.

2. Part of that plan is to sell ALL of my material processions. Can you say HIPPIE. but if you want it- claim in now. :)

3. One of our children "came to be" during Monday night football :) How do you like that HONESTY?? We almost named him/her after the team..

4. I egged a car this week... with help.... (did i just ADMIT that??)

5. I couldn't bring myself to vote for either of the mainstream candidates- so I ended up voting for a complete loser :)

6. Everyone in my family shares toothbrushes. It's a free for all. You find it- you claim it.

7. I spend WAY too much time on this stupid computer. It sucks my blood.

8. Josh has been trying to convince me to get dreadlocks. Truth: I don't know.. ?? I am already a freak. There would be no going back.

9. I wake up at the last possible minute every morning. I stay up way too late. I can't seem to grow up in this way. Last night I was up doing Swahili into wee hours of the morning.. but it's under three months!!!

10. I am really rebellious. I have to question why and how and Josh informed me the other day that even when I do go along with it, I constantly have to reevaluate.

Ok- so I think I just gave you WAY too much information...

My nomination to carry this award on goes to T. Tina is a beautiful friend who still loves me even though I voted for -

you didn't really think that I'd tell you did you??

Her blog is called Dull As Dishwater which in all honesty I don't understand. Cause it is anything but dull, it's honest and real.

The last two weeks when I have had *complete* BREAKDOWNS without words to even express where I was at, somehow she arrived at my front door. She is an amazing Godly woman who fears the Lord and is transparent and well just an amazing sister..

and plus it just happened to be her car that was the target. opps.

incy wincy spider

deja vu..?

i had this odd sense today that i had done this before... maybe on a banana boat in the red sea..??

more information about that here..

more information about this...

here:

its been a little over five years ago. i walked in young, naive, and brave. two toddlers and a baby under my arm. it hurt. i hid back the tears from traumatizing my wee ones.

i have a strange shaped nose. don't look to closely, just take my word for it. so to draw attention away, i wanted it low. trust me, it seemed to make sense. but it was completely in the wrong spot.

after a few months i banished it. i swore i would never do it again. it's like a root canal, someone leaning into your face- leaving you without any control. coming after you with instruments and tools never intended to be created for the human body. nuts.

but in a moment of weakness here i sit. i think it may have been my midlife crisis that i have been sorting through. or tina making me out to be a complete wimp. but she convinced me, although somehow i was unable to convince her...??

so we went.

and the special "piercing" lady was gone.:)

and just as i thought that i was off the hook.. my odd and strange husband encouraged to go back.
did i mention to you that he really thinks that i should get dreads? and i saw someone tonight in panera:) that had them ALL the way down her back and they were SO amazing... and yes i stared.

anyway..

so we went back to the little room and she came after me with "the" needle.
i don't' think she even thought about giving her poor victim a moment to process it all.
that's when i started to hyperventilate.
as i was gasping for air- i managed to request to her that she explain the procedure.

and she did and did it well, "now i am going to pierce your nose."

and of course the question arose: is it going to hurt? (since i didn't know this already..)
can you believe she told me for only 5 minutes!! 5 minutes!! i was freaking about 5 seconds!!

and yes i started to cry. but that's when i saw it.. her tattoo, "Jesus Wept."

and pushing her forearm back again.. with every ounce panic strengthening my adrenaline..
i said, "see- Jesus cried too. i'm really not a baby."
and with that-together she and josh held me back, demolishing my resistance..

i grasped his hand harder than any of my five labors, and the 10 inch needed pierced into my flesh.

*ok dramatized a little.*
but it did really hurt for like 20 seconds or something.

and yes it was completely drawn out and yes all the teenagers in the entire place snickered as i walked out.

but they didn't know what awaited them..

*update*

photos.....

HERE.

I have been reading this book on heaven.

You want to go to Bulgaria, you find out about Bulgaria.

Likewise with Uganda. J

Yet what do I really know about heaven??

 

My biggest question through this entire thing has been: Where do I go from HERE?

Honestly, between you, me, and God- I'm not Job.

It's been hard thing for this girl to figure out.

But somehow dissecting the word about how incredible God's plan in for our future is blows the lid right off my box.

 

It seems that lately all around me there have been so many struggles, change, heartbreak, loss, and pain.

Where do we go from HERE?

HERE: where things are jacked, we see glimpses of Him but His glory and worship hampered by sin.

Where do we go from HERE?

THERE.

THERE into His promises where all things are made right, where He has redeemed, renewed, restored, recovered, and reconciled.

And that excites me. And I can't wait to see how it all goes down. And I can't wait to taste chocolate on the new earth.

 

And somehow that puts it back into perspective. This pain is real, but temporary. Really temporary. And it's not my life.

So the question changes: I know where I go from HERE.

But a new question arises: what am I going to do while I'm HERE.