A Wasted 2 Bucks

One of the last times I shared with my brother Craig was at Valleyfair. I payed a boy at a booth to guess my age, I thought it was so awesome that despite having five children he guessed me younger than I was. Somehow he built my confidence and then gave me a stupid blow up bat. Craig laughed at me, he knew it was a waste of time. Three years later, the bat sits my closet and I have aged.

The past few years have kicked by butt in so many ways, showing wear emotionally and physically aging. My heart breaks still anticipating Craig's broad shoulders walking in with a big grin. Today I'm not really ok. It really sucks.

But that is what happens when you love someone, and it's worth it. Not everyone in life receives that love, I've seen it rejected too many times. There is a whole lotta crappy things formed out of fear, including mine.

It's funny how times doesn't make things better, just different. You'd think I would have figured it out by now, but honestly I keep focusing on the end party- it's all I have.

I am thankful for big brothers who have always had your back. For the Lord whipping my snot covered floor while I'm on my knees. I am thankful my confidence and value isn't in found in a booth at Valleyfair, but in His arms. For without it, I'm jacked.

Craig, you're deeply missed. I love you big bro.

A New Vehicle..

We finally said goodbye to the old van. The "new"/different one- it's nice. The only detail though that's really important is that there is room for one more seat. Shouldn't it be filled??

http://www.pulaskicountyadoptioncoalition.com/

http://www.bethany.org/littlerock/international-adoption-info?gclid=CJib9ISvn6sCFUdrKgodB37VjA

http://www.allgodschildren.org/adoption/bulgaria/?gclid=CP6Nzpivn6sCFUEUKgodixHEiQ

"A New Highway..."

A year ago I posted that we were going on a "New Highway". It hasn't been a new highway, it's been a lot of new highways, some filled with potholes, some on the left side of the road, and others with steep winding hills. We started our trip with a map of our highway and not too far in, it blew out the window. Sketched on it were my ideals, my visions, my dreams, all left on the dancing down the highway trampled my passing cars. Leaving our family guided by only the compass in our vehicle.

Before you knew it, we went places that we never planned. On roads that were barreled off. Some were completely submersed in fear. There were other with huge road blocks, still the compass told us to continue through. And others that weren't finished and I was tempted to just see where it lead, only to have to turn around and again listen to the compass.

There have been breakdowns and times where we almost gave up and pushed it all over the cliff.

Still, at times the beauty was so overwhelming, as if no one had ever traveled the road before and it was paved just for us. Even so, we were tempted multiple times to stop and ask for directions, or just pick up a laminated new and shinny map. But, we weren't sure anymore of our destination. If we only had a starting point and an end point, we could use technology, all around us are means to figure it out in the world. But, it won't take us there when we are unsure of where we are going. As much as we didn't know where there was going to be yesterday, we don't know the there for tomorrow as well.

We used to look for an end in sight as we drove along, and we would love to let you in on our inclusive destination. See, we have places we would love to re-travel, areas left unseen, but we are not sure if they are part of this trip. Truth is, we have no idea the territory left to cover before us. So we will just keep on driving along, just following the compass..

New Highway

We are moving- I say "we" cause I would really like to get Josh and the kids to share with you too.. but we are heading over to wordpress.. you can find us here:

http://sharknbake.wordpress.com

:) mel

Hello out there..

I guess I haven't had much to say lately.. ;) It's been a weird season.. of sorting some stuffs out..

BUT today id just like to reflect on

New born babies
And black eyes from the swimming pools
and church cookbooks
AND home town parades
And Hope
and crazy aunts
and the old faithful HAT that never leaves Noah's head
AND faithful friends
and library reading programs
AND the grandpa pushing A out on the cart at Fareway
and salamanders
AND five suitcases from place to place
and Nate's message on Grace.

God's been working on this mess.. i am so grateful that He is. I dont know how thankful that ive been lately.

But today, Im thankful that im His.

bizarre...

This video thoroughly prepared us for our trip to Bulgaria.

The kids and I have been researching the culture within Trinidad & Tobago. Where did we go again for solid information? YouTube.

I guess that Bizarre Foods isn't really a great starting place. Five little kids watching Mr. Zimmern catch and cook iguana & mussels, then chase them with pigs tails, cow skin soup, and chicken feet doesn't REALLY prepare them, does it? Does it.. ? Will we really become "trini-s"?

I mean it's one think to live in a culture, but to immerse ones self in the culture is another step.

Josh tried really hard this week. We drove to look at a station wagon. It was if we were the lead characters in some really weird movie. I have tried to put it into words, but I Can't.. Let's just say it's a whole nother world in the hills of Arkansas.

And then... I realized as we headed back home that the white headed figures I saw on roadside a few weeks ago were not some secret meeting of pointed headed alive types, but indeed garden gnomes. Phew.. Note that it was LATE, and raining, and my mom wouldn't let me turn around..

Last night at youth we talked about compasses & maps.

Although we would all love a map, most of the time God gives us only a compass and leaves us with uncharted territory :)

Art in the Trenches

During WWI Edward Stinn was a young man in the trenches in the middle of France. Amidst the sounds, smells, and fears he found himself carving into the artillery shells, creating art masterpieces, pieces of himself. He was my grandfather.

Ralph Winter writes of a ship named the Queen Mary who was designed as a beautiful luxury cruise liner. During WWII she was converted into a battle ship carrying men across the ocean. It was designed to carry 3,000 passengers, converted to carry 15,000 soldiers. From peace time to war time.

Are we expectant of the fine silverware and lush feather beds or are we bunked with brothers that we are willing to fight for the purpose before us if it means our life? If it means survival of more, less for us? Is it peace time or war time?

I don't always understand what is going on behind the scenes. Apparently, I think that God should have assigned me a commander & allow me to call things how they are. But, sometimes in war our perception can be the enemy's greatest ally.

He reminds me that this war is already won, although the battles continue. Am I willing to fight for what I believe? Fight past self gain and self pity? Am I rejoicing in the trenches; in the fear, in the chaos, in the dark quietness.. Do I understand that this is His war & that I have somehow throughout all time in grace I been written into it? Am I making Art in the Trenches to bring Him glory?

Watch out, maybe I'll design a tatoo & have my own art up my arms.. that'll get em talking...

I won't tell you about the butterflies tats that I designed in high school for Josh & I.. ;)

Chuck.

My kids Love Chuck.
I had a cat named Chuck once.
He was actually my dad's cat. Well actually my cat that became my dad's cat.

I am excited.
The wheels have been starting to turn in prep for Trinidad...
It's exciting.

Oliver loves Chuck.
Chuck loved my dad.
My dad was a crazy guy.
I miss him.
He would have watched Chuck with Oliver.

Im excited.
Mainly cause I know it's God and not me.
Trinidad. Not Chuck.

We are entering a season where there are so many things that need to happen to make it happen.
But it's God making it happen.
So that's exciting.

So is Chuck.

12 years and counting...

It's been an adventure. The last dozen years or so.
I am thankful for it.
I am thankful for the hard times that encompass me with fears,
which make me drop to my knees vulnerably.
I am thankful for the silly times and more importantly the silly people.
I am thankful for Josh.
That he is crazy in love with a real Christ.
And trusts Him.
With his relationships.
And his family.
I am thankful for the lonely times.
and the scared times.
And the times of extreme heart-wrenching pain.
For it will make me fully understand the Glory of the Lord when I see Him face to face.
And I am thankful for the minutes not yet flown by.
I pray that they may be an investment in His Glory.

I have hesitantly been holding back my excitement in the next stage of this story.

Im not sure why.

But..
We are heading here next fall.

and the following nine months we get to live cross culturally and become part of a new school which trains and raises up leaders to GO.

Why? that's here.

Please pray for us as all the pieces come together :)

drop in visit..

it's really no fun when you don't have occasional drop in visits. so we brought one to you..

greetings from an independent little girl in an independence day dress. she is having a picnic if you were wondering.

what this photo doesn't capture is her mommy running around the yard with her camera, talking to her husband on the phone, coaxing a little white dog back into the house with a treat.

we try to do school. henri tries.

i think noah's trying. not sure about that.

note the number of books (&coffee) at the table and lack of children.

you have to use the potty? don't be frightened by the sectapus. he's friendly. unless you try to take his legs.

the backyard.. yes we still have the Christmas tree.. complete with dress shoes and duct tape.

oliver takes a brief break to send his love. yes.. this is a necessary part of kindergarten. im not sure that he would get out of his jammies for a real visit, but he will share his games.. happy monday!

a question worth answering..

I have been asked this question more than once the past year or so:

Why would you go on "missions" trips when there are so many needs here in America?

In all honestly and immaturity, most of the time this question surfaces, I've wanted to roll around on the ground, kicking my legs in a tantrum until they just leave me alone. Not because I didn't want to answer, but because often I have felt like they didn't want my answer.

So here you have it. It's the long and short of my heart -messed up with a whole bunch of stuff God has been revealing to me in Perspectives.

WHY?..
There was this man- we will just call him Abe. Abe was blessed by God. The reason that he was blessed was that he in turn would be a blessing to the nations of the world.. & that they would worship God.
There was Isaac, there was Jake. Jake became Israel, Israel became a great multitude, and wham, God blessed Israel- so that Israel would be a blessing.. to the nations, cause God's heart is that He would receive worship from every nation..
That is God's plan; that in the end a multitude will be worshiping from every tribe and nation.
Then it was God-Israel-Nations.
WHY was Israel blessed; God blessed Israel so that it would be a light to the nations. God's plan is for All peoples.. to worship Him.

So then there was Jesus. Jesus was a lead character in the gospels, along with the Pharisees. The third set of characters are the disciples caught in the middle.. sorting things out.
The Pharisees had it mental; they forgot their bless-er.
& they thought were special, that those pork eating uncircumcised bad bad people couldn't be in on the "God plan."
and Jesus did things all backwards and not according to their expectations.
So God skipped over "Israel" and replaced it with the "church"
So now it's something like
God-Church-Nations
God blesses His church so that it can be a light to the nations, &.. all Worship Him.

I know it's kinda scrappy wrote. But go & look for yourself.. look for His glory through the nations. from the promise to Abe in Genesis woven through to Rev 7:9..

I love America. I love my family & I love Panera. I love my bed. I love my friends. Did I mention that I love Panera?
The church in America has been blessed, but what happens when we no longer are a blessing to the nations? When we forget our bless-er, simply maintaining our blessing? What happened in the old testament with Israel or the Pharisees?

How often do we act in fear and question the above in our own lack of action in America or elsewhere?

Our speaker tonight was great, the class is awesome, he wrapped it up with this illustration:
If you are a Mormon in America & you graduate from college & go home to tell your parents that you are heading out on a mission for the next two years, their response is typically, "you bet you are."

If you are a Christan in America & you graduate from college & go home to tell your parents that you are heading out on a mission for the next two years, their response tends to fall more like, "you need to start paying off your debt, building a portfolio, you won't be home for the holidays.."

God's plan isn't:
God- Me.
or
God-Church.
or
God-America.
It is still
God-Church-Nations.
He blesses His Church so that the nations would be blessed and know Him, and that worship Him.

His heart is for all nations; whether ours is or not.

I am blessed, but not for me, anymore than Abe's blessing was for himself.
It's not my story to own.

So many times my vision has been jacked.. and I have to keep realigned it with His. I believe that here & there God is seeking true worshipers.
I would love to hear your thoughts & your "perspectives"- really.. no tantrums...

& here's a joke for you..
what do you get when you have an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?
A man who can't sleep all night wondering if there really is a "dog?"

ok.ok. i'll let you go...

& then there was snow...

january ramblings.

It's going to be 60 degrees HERE today.

It's a plea ok? A plea cause I miss my iowa family, which happen to be frozen solid in another storm. I may have sunshine, but I do not have you.

I noticed when I drove home last night that I didn't have to think about where I was driving. It's been 7 months with confederate flagged neighbors.. and in a few more..??
I was taking Natalie home and she rolled down the window and talked to the deer. They didn't run, they didn't talk back either.

We have been taking a class called Perspectives.
It's too good of stuff really. I could start rambling about all the ways God is jacking with my heart, but it would be pages. I will tell you it has something to do with it being all about Him, and not me, His glory throughout the nations.

I miss my brother lots lately. Miss his smile, and hug, and just being here, walking in the room. I miss hanging tightly on the back of his motorcyle and skipping out together on family events. I can't help but long for and wonder what it will be like in the glory of the Lord.

I think I want to learn French. Or maybe Spanish or maybe french horn. Actually I've never had a desire in french horn. But I have French. Well French the language, not the horn.

I love my husband a lot lately. We've only had each other for a while now, and I think we are starting to get through the "i want to inflict pain on you" stage to "i think I like you & maybe God did know what He was doing... :)" He has grown so much in his walk with the Lord, he really amazes me.

and he has sacrificed many an hour of sleep to help me get to one more world on the new mario brothers. i love that game. it's like marriage and family counseling all wrapped up in one package.

Dang it's such a great promise that His kingdom will come. Somehow it makes these light and momentary troubles so much lighter.

& now I must feed the children breakfast.
Have a good Wednesday. :)

It's Happy Birthday Day!

Happy Birthday Heth! Beautiful Crazy Lady.. hope it's amazing!

Happy 9th Birthday Noah.

Can you say loaded? What more could a guy want? Yesterday Noah came home to this & a box full of sugar and change. Who mails a box full of change? Crack me up. Only crazy people.

Supplies to make more treasures... This would be the duffel bag of goodies.. a football, whip, yeah I really can't tell you what else.

You never cease to amaze me Noah. Happy Birthday Buddy.

Henri's Story

So we decided to get this little guy. We haven't had the best track record in pets lately.. so we did so with caution and hesitancy. (never a compulsive moment here..)
I like animals. I really do. They are nice. I can't wait til heaven to see what our Creator intended our relationship with them to really look like. I think it will be nice.
Ailah is (pet)rified of dogs. You would be too if your first was Gus. Enough said. But she liked him. She really liked him. All the kids did. And Josh really thought it was a good idea to bring him to bed with us.. really.

Henri's history: he was born into a mean pet shop. Ms. Craigslist rescued him. And from her into our family came a timid, sweet little pompoo.. (which just is a wrong name for a boy..) & within a few days we turned him into a scrappy, crazy, little guy. He fit right in..
But then.
He snuck out on an adventure.. silly open gate... and our little white puff ball was gone in residential suburban usa.

Stink.
Hours later.. we still didn't find him.
He was without tags.. microchipped but registered to the mean pet shop.
What then?

The kids spent the entire day handing out over 200 fliers. Picture this: five kids house to house in the snow with a wagon.. supported by their almost brother and sister.. lacking snow attire ((which we thought was safe to leave in exchange for presents in IA))

A boy with a duct tape fedora. Robby with Josh's boots on. Oli in the wagon with gloves on his feet.. the froggy rain boots didn't cut it. Mission lead by four little determined girls-to find Henri :)
We met people who prayed for Henri- and followed up by phone. We met our neighbors.
But at the end of the day, no Henri.
Dang.

I pulled out the worst possible scenario card and the poor poor pity me card. At times they started to trump Maja's FAITH card.

And first thing the next morning Henri came home. Found 5-6 blocks away..
Identified by a crumpled up flier delivered in determination and love.

Who knows where the little guy spent the night.. & im sure that he fought off at least an armadillo or two..
Dumb me. I have been disappointed by this fallen world so many times that sometimes life seems as hopeless as a lost white dog in a cold white winter. It takes my baby's faith to bring it around..

So often I walk in fear having no idea what the scenario will be. But do I trust Him that gives and takes away? Dark and hopeless.. but the Rescuer has come & is coming again.
Ya I know.. it's all about a little puppy. But ill go with Tina.. wisdom from "Up": life is lived in the little things.

And so Henri returns to our nutso family. Back to little sweaters. And chewing on polly pocket heads. And the adventure continues.

ps:

a New year.. a new Addition

im pregnant!!!
well.. no.. not really.
but it's kinda like a baby announcement.
introducing:
*henri*

he's pretty ferocious.

oliver.

"loves the lazorbacks"..
otherwise known as razorbacks.

"the speed limit!!!" with a crazy grin and both fists in the air.
every time we gun it.. ((not that it happens ALL that often..))

"Nebrakas!"
anything at ALL to do with football. every team.. well except the lazorbacks. poor guy.

& it's the time of year where he sees "the three little mans" everywhere.
to isabel they are the wise disciples.. history referred to them as "the three wise men". which triggered maja's report.. "The Real Three Little Mans."

he is so excited for Christmas.
merry weekend before Christmas to you.

Round 2: Bring it on..

Each of the kids chose one thing that they wanted to make for Christmas treats..
Mr. second born, witty, duct tape obsessed, recycler, hoarder, servant, completely visual, door holder, smart alec, tender hearted, out-of-any-box.. picked Turkish delight.. of course he did.

We tried.. really..

But after hours.. literally a green slab of.. ???

It was as hard as the rocks my brothers used as ammunition in their sling shots. I mean we didn't try chucking it like that.. and have to hide behind the mailbox to survive.. and yikes I'm starting to freak out.. enough fond childhood memories..

The kids tried to be supportive, their teeth not so much so... altho it wasn't a complete loss, the kids licked the powdered sugar off..

Today is the day. We are moving in.. watch out you little white delicacy. We've prepped emotionally and physically...

PRAY for US!!!!

It's going to be the Christmas Noah battled the Turkish delight.

Little Seeds.. Big Harvest.

Last night we watched Home Makeover. Part of the episode was spent going to different inner city homes and remodeling children's bedrooms. They couldn't build a new home for each of them. But their purpose was to bring hope to each child's life in the way they could. A refuge in the middle of a scary place. A seed of hope, showing they mattered.

Along with beautiful Caribbean Island sunsets and warm beaches, lately this little one has been on my mind.

A little girl living at the worst orphanage we visited in Uganda. The pastor there couldn't turn anyone away, there were bright eyed welcoming children everywhere. She is peaking out from one of the two rooms that 70 children shared. "Mattresses" side by side thrown on a dirty floor, without beds, without bed nets.

If your a friend of mine on facebook, I probably recently recommended you to a page for a ministry called Seeds for the Fatherless. It was originated by a friend of ours who choose to act upon his convictions, to his responsibility to orphaned children. You can find their website here.

The ministry has moved from one person's heart and has partnered with ministries and individuals to intentionally plant seeds of hope. Seeds that offer eternal hope in the lives of children. It may seem like a small seeds such as a child's first bed, backpack, or trading their inner tube in for a real soccer ball. It might mean a home makeover and having furniture in their childrens' home for the very first time. Regardless of the tangible seed that is planted in their lives, it is given in the hope of our tangible Savior- Jesus Christ. It is showing they matter, that they haven't been forgotten, and a Christ-centered relationship is developed.

It's not a just a ministry. It's a tool the community of Christ can use to plant seeds of hope into the lives of children such as this little girl.

Seeds for the Fatherless' heart is planting seed of hope and love into the lives of fatherless children, regardless of what continent they call home. If you know of tangible needs or prayer requests that Seeds for the Fatherless can outreach to, please forward them to the email on their website.

For me, it's a transfer of a burden into a way that I can act. And I like that.

joy today.

Life is just tough sometimes. It's been crazy hard on my dad's family the past year. Two of my uncles passed away this fall. The latest did so right in the center of a blizzard. Josh and I talk a lot about death and Bill makes fun of us. But losing people who chose to love you and formed who you are sometimes pushes you to remember what's worth fighting for. My uncle Leon was the type of man who inspired me in so many ways. He was faithful. He was joyful. He was hopeful and expectant.

His acceptance embraced you with a smile the moment you met him. There were no games to play in status when he repeatedly offered you his gentle jokes accompanied by a grin.

One summer when my family went to Canada on vacation, I being too little, stayed with my cousins. My dad returned disappointed that I was calling uncle Leon "daddy". He wasn't my dad. Yet he was there when overnight I lost my dad and was no longer a child. And he and his wife were there the night when a few miles from their house my big brother died. I can't imagine that it was easy for him to drive my mom the the hospital.

He told me once about a dream that he had. About Heaven. About the colors that he dreamed that He had never seen before. And the Glory. And there my dad was. That meant a lot to a messed up 17 year old fighting a war she didn't see.

And there Leon is, in the middle of His Glory.

Right in the center of death in the middle of a snowstorm he found eternal life with the King that he loved and who adores him.

Lately I don't know how well that I've been battling. It seems that I've been stuck in a lot of junk and been unprepared and unequipped to face much. But Leon's life reminds me that God's plan of hope is to prosper us and not harm us. His joy is really my platform for battle and strength. Leon's life pushes me to fight for that joy, hopeful and expectant.

What did one eye say to the other eye?
...There is something between us that smells...

Uncle Leon, you will be missed. Can't wait to party with you.